Why Rest is So Hard (But Needed) as an Expat
You've just arrived in the Netherlands. Perhaps you decided that studying or working in a new country was an adventure you couldn't resist experiencing. Perhaps you decided to take a job opportunity that presented itself and here you are living the dream! It is a dream... right?
Slowly you may feel the exhaustion creeping in. Let's be real, this started way before you even arrived. To recap you:
1. Decided to leave home for work or study
2. Started researching this country to begin preparations
3. Figured out what to do with your car, home, belongings, job etc.
4. Managed to find out what visa you needed and began that whole process
5. Started to mentally prepare for leaving home (maybe for the first time)
6. Packed up all your belongings
7. Managed the financial stress of moving and visa/travel costs
8. The travel day itself
Perhaps this list doesn't even cover it all! None of these things were easy and you probably went through a whole host of stressful moments and perhaps even doubt about your decision. Nevertheless, you pushed through and arrived. Now what? Here we go:
1. Find a place to live (holy cow this one is hard)
2. Set up your new bank account/BSN/Gemeente registration/residency permit etc
3. Adapt to a new culture and language
4. Start a whole new job/study
5. Adapt to a whole new job/study
6. Manage homesickness and loneliness
I definitely missed some here, but you get the gist. The best part is, you probably managed this all within the timespan of a year or less. This is more change than some people experience in their lifetime. But your momentum is high and you're speeding through what you need to accomplish. You're exhausted, but so what? This is tough, but everyone warned you about this. No complaining, otherwise people may doubt your capabilities. You're lucky to experience such a new, vibrant culture. You should be grateful!
We lose ourselves to thoughts of what we "should" be or "shouldn't" be doing. Maybe we feel that if we keep going and get all the things "done" we THEN get to relax and enjoy our stay. But what if our list keeps growing? What if it's been a year and we still find we have to change things or do things differently? The sad truth of it is that us expats hit the ground running, and then we don't know how to stop. Maybe you feel exhausted, burnout and at worst... resentful. Everyone is screaming at you to learn Dutch, and at the same time, manage a new job and/or university. You're being told to work in Horeca because that's the only job for international students, but the environment doesn't feel as welcoming as you thought it would. But again - the same thoughts run through your mind: if I just figure out what I'm doing, then I can relax. Rest will come... eventually.
Take a pause. Reflect on all that you've done to get you to where you are today. Take a step back and look at everything you've ALREADY done. And I get it, there are things that MUST be done in order for you to feel safe (housing, food etc). But perhaps it feels like once we cross more things off the to-do list, we forget to take a minute to relax ourselves and rest. In life, there will always be more that we can get done. Even if our essentials are covered, there's always something more that you can do. The hard truth is, if we don't pause and rest, we suffer greatly. Expats also struggle more with feelings of "GO GO GO" because perhaps we feel a burden to integrate as quickly as possible. We have manage so many factors that native Dutchies don't need to worry about (residency, job status, language learning etc). Therefore, our to-do lists are naturally much longer than most.
At the end of the day it comes down to the fact that rest is essential for every living creature on this planet. It is not something we "deserve" it is something we NEED.
You're allowed to enjoy this country through restful, fulfilling things that have nothing to do with integration or crossing things off your to-do list. What are some things you enjoy doing in your home country? You can also do them here. For example you could try: Reading, writing, walking, sleeping, watching Netflix, taking an everything shower, going out with friends or staying in alone and doom scrolling. What rest does is it relaxes your brain enough for it to gently process what you've been experiencing. You're taking in so many new experiences! You truly need to rest the brain during this process to avoid burnout. It's not laziness.. it's the most productive and healthy thing you can do during this time.
Slow down, pause, reflect on how far you've come. Check in with your mental health and find out if certain needs are being neglected. The items on your to-do list will get done, but you don't have to do them today. Prioritize and give yourself grace and compassion. You've already proven yourself capable, so now it's time to enjoy your new surroundings and reconnect with yourself.
I'll leave you with this: Rest is not something we have to earn, it's a necessary part of a healthy life.
