The Beginner’s Guide to Starting Therapy
You’re likely aware that therapy is becoming more and more common throughout the years. The stigma has become greatly reduced, and especially in the Netherlands, many more people are seeking therapeutic support (just look at those waitlists…).
What about you? Have you been playing with the idea of seeing a therapist and the whole idea seems strange, daunting or maybe even a bit intimidating? Do you even feel “bad enough” to need to see a therapist? Perhaps you’ve talked yourself out of it many times over, but the thought keeps coming back. Let’s talk about the WHY, the WHEN and the HOW of starting therapy.
WHY - Why does therapy help? What is all the fuss about? Therapy provides a safe space to talk about… well… you! Therapy has been around since the late 1800’s, and since then, it has grown and branched out into many different modalities. Therapy as a whole has been researched extensively over the years to examine its effectiveness as a treatment for many different psychological concerns. In essence, therapy has been proven to help. Life is hard for a lot of us - and there’s no guidebook that comes with it. Therapy can help you navigate these hardships and help you build coping skills to manage what comes your way. Whether these struggles happen internally, externally, or a combination of both, therapy is a way for individuals to build resilience and understanding of what is truly going on in their minds. For a lot of people, talking to a therapist is a great way to organize their thoughts, understand them, soothe them and ultimately change them.
WHEN - Ok, so when am I supposed to know when to see a therapist? This question is entirely dependent on you and your situation. Oftentimes, people seek therapy when day-to-day living becomes much harder and they feel themselves struggling with negative thoughts, feelings and behaviors. For students, this often looks like: not being able to study, struggling with classes, intense stress/pressure, not being able to find a social/school balance, or feeling lost and unsure of themselves. For internationals/expats this can look like: feeling displaced, struggling with homesickness/depression, feeling overwhelmed/anxious, not feeling a sense of belonging, or feeling regrets, which can lead to confusion and worry. Some people simply feel curious about their lives and want to process their experiences with an unbiased professional. Some people have a goal they want to reach, but feel like something is holding them back. Every single experience and person is different. You don’t need to fit a specific framework to seek help.
Let’s focus back on you. There’s no such rule that you have to be “depressed enough” or “anxious enough” to see a therapist. In fact, it’s recommended to not wait until things get worse before you start seeking professional help. Imagine you’re driving a car, and you notice your car is getting lower on fuel. Are you going to wait until the fuel tank is empty before you fill it? Or are you going to go to the fuel pump before you run out? The best thing you can do is to fuel up before you get stranded with no means to take you to your destination. Don’t wait until you hit your limit before you seek help.
HOW - How on Earth do I start? The first step is to determine if you want to do in-person, or online therapy. You can’t go wrong with either, but there can be factors that may sway you in one direction or the other. For instance, if you live far away from any therapy offices, it may be more convenient for you to seek an online-therapist so it’s easier to make it to your sessions. Online therapy also gives you the ability to stay in the comfort of your own home. You do need to make sure your Wifi connection is stable and that your device remains fully charged. Online therapy is also great for having quick, last-minute sessions, as you don’t need to factor in travel-time. In-person therapy can be preferred if you live in a shared house, or if you don’t have a private, safe space to talk. Some people also prefer in-person sessions simply because it gives them a reason to leave the house and it helps encourage movement. Choosing in-person or online sessions shouldn’t impact the professionalism or quality of care you receive.
The second step is to do some research. Google therapists in your area, or if you’re pursuing online work, you can also branch the search out to therapists in your country. If you’re studying/working/living abroad, take a look at expat-focused websites, as they often pool resources to help expats find therapy or other mental healthcare services. Take a look at the therapists websites and make sure you take note of the following information:
Experience/certifications
Type of therapy offered (CBT, ACT, Gestalt, Trauma etc.)
If a free-intake is offered (golden standard)
Prices per session
Reviews/testimonials
Privacy policy
Insurance policy
Once you find a therapist you like, reach out to them via their websites to book your free intake session. If you’d like, it’s also very common to book multiple intake sessions with different therapists to make an informed decision on whom to pursue therapy with.
The third step is going to the intake sessions (even if it's scary). Showing up the first time is typically the hardest part. The beauty of that is: every therapist will know this. The only expectation they have of you is to show up. The rest is on them! A good therapist will introduce themselves, ask how you’re feeling and explain what the intake session will look like. They will ask you basic demographic questions (such as your age, where you’re from etc), if you’ve seen a therapist before, and why you’re seeking a therapist today. Sometimes therapists will send you an intake form with those questions (or similar) already on it for you to submit in advance. Each therapist may operate in a different way, but the standard should remain the same: professional, informative, and welcoming. Remember, that therapists don’t expect you to open up immediately - they know that you’re talking with a stranger at first, so don’t feel pressured to divulge everything all at once. A good therapist will ease you into it and help build trust between you.
If you don’t like the therapist for whatever reason, keep looking! Even if after 2 sessions, you don’t feel comfortable, or you don’t like their methods, you’re allowed to seek other help. Don’t stick with a therapist if it's not a good fit. When people do this, it often leaves them with a poor taste in their mouths about therapy. It might take a couple tries to find the right fit. This is normal and more common than you might think.
At the end of the day, feel proud for pursuing therapy. It can be hard to find the time to create space for ourselves, but it is worth it. You deserve to be heard.
I’ll leave you with this: don’t let fear of the unknown hold you back from the possibility of a happier life. Therapy can work wonders, and the only way to experience it is to try it out yourself.
