Getting Out Of A Slump: What To Do When It All Just Feels Too Much
You’re sitting at home. Doom-scrolling away while dishes pile up and laundry is something you can just deal with “later”. The more you look at what you need to get done, the more you don’t want to even try. You feel exhausted with just the thought of doing these tasks that you once did with ease. Honestly, it’s that thought that maybe makes you feel worse. “I used to be on top of my to-do list. Now look at me…”.
Welcome to the slump. A lack of motivation. Feeling hopeless. Feeling like a failure. Wondering how you got yourself into this state. Let’s talk about it.
First of all, what causes slumps? Let’s take working out for example. You start a workout routine and you follow it consistently for 2 weeks. You feel strong, healthy and motivated. Suddenly, work stress increases, your period starts, or you fall ill. A week goes by and now working out seems far too difficult, or you’re just generally unmotivated to start again. The negative self-talk comes back with a vengeance and now you want to sit around and do nothing, all the while feeling worse and worse. What happened here? Let’s break it down.
When we’re on a roll with something, we feel proud and motivated to continue. We hardly think about what could go wrong (hello work stress/school stress/relationship stress). Suddenly, our priorities may shift, or we may feel too exhausted to continue with our workout streak. Three days go by… a week goes by… and now, you can’t imagine picking the weights back up or going on that jog. Why is it so hard to just re-start?
It all comes back to how we talk to ourselves. If we have expectations for ourselves that don’t include flexibility, we doom ourselves to feel like failures when our plans must change. However, that’s exactly what we need to expect. Life sometimes goes haywire. That’s not our fault - it’s simply a fact of life. Which brings us to this next bit: Negative self-talk is NEVER helpful.
“I haven’t worked out in 3 days. I’m lazy - why bother trying.”
“If I don’t start studying like I was before, it’s because I’m a failure and maybe I should just quit”
“Why bother doing these dishes? I clearly am incapable of staying on top of it”
Sound familiar? These negative self-talk statements come to us automatically. Perhaps it feels accurate, justified and unequivocally true. The consequence of this type of self-talk is universal: it’s not going to help you. If you speak to yourself through the tone of harsh critique, punishment, or disgust, we lose any sense of healthy motivation.
Now, adjusting this is easier said than done, but it’s worth the effort because when we work on how we speak to ourselves, we can create the sustainable change we want to see in our lives. Let me give you three tips to get out of that slump and get you feeling more energized:
1. Reframe those thoughts. How do we change the thoughts that make us feel so much worse? First, understand that thoughts are just thoughts. They are not facts. They feel very real, but try to imagine that even though they feel indisputable, they could be wrong. When we accept this, we create room to challenge them. Try to work on shifting a negative thought to something more realistic and helpful. Use evidence from the real world to support this alternative thought.
For example: “I haven’t worked out in 3 days - I’m lazy - why bother trying”. Well this thought certainly won’t make me want to try again. It also seems… wrong. Does not working out for 3 days because you were sick or stressed make you lazy? Or did you just need to take a break in order to deal with something else in your life? If you are lazy, does that mean you’re not deserving of trying again? Let me reframe this: “Just because I haven’t worked out in 3 days doesn’t mean I’m lazy. It means that I didn’t work out in 3 days. That’s all. I am allowed to take breaks when I need to”. How does this alternative make you feel? Think on it for a bit.
2. Make achievable goals. You probably heard of this one before but stick with me on this. If you haven’t been able to do the dishes and you have a pile to get through, start as small as you can. Tell yourself, “I’m just going to put one fork in the dishwasher”. Sounds almost too easy, right? That’s the point. When getting out of a slump, we need to make ourselves feel accomplished for even trying to restart our goals/habits. It helps encourage us to keep going. You put that fork in the dishwasher, and then you might feel you can put a bowl in there too. And then maybe the mugs, and perhaps the plates as well. See what setting small goals can do? It makes us feel capable again without beating ourselves up for not meeting a goal that was too big to feel do-able. Break it down into the smallest, easiest parts.
3. Re-examine your expectations. If we have high hopes for doing everything perfectly all the time, we have set ourselves up to fail. For instance, you start studying and you want to be able to do it for 8 hours a day for 5 days a week no matter what. You tell yourself it’s discipline and proves how hard-working you are. But what happens if something… well... happens? In setting expectations, did you leave room for understanding, compassion or kindness for yourself? Accounting for life is key here. You need to make sure your expectations are flexible. If you want to set up a rigorous study schedule, go ahead, but plan for when things go wrong. What happens if something stressful comes up at work, or with your drama-oriented friend group and suddenly you lost time to study up to your expectations? If you don’t account for the variations of life, you may feel like it’s your fault, or that you’re a failure for not meeting your expectations. Life happens - it’s how we roll with it that determines if we fall into a slump or not when things don’t go to plan.
I'll leave you with this: Slumps are normal and happen to everyone. They also don’t last forever. Take time to check-in with yourself and really see if what you’re saying to yourself is helping you or hurting you.
